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Age 0
- First year of life didn't interact with other kids, was born very prematurely and almost died
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Age 1
- Was on a heart monitor almost constantly
- Screamed when other kids were around me
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Age 2
- Threw myself down the stairs/on floor when frustrated
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3rd grade
- Had recess inside and was able to play board games with someone
- Chewed all of my dresses and got yelled at for it
- Replaced social interaction with constant reading
- Was very autistic but no diagnosis or support, only was yelled at for my behaviors
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4th grade
- Usually alone at recess; other kids didn't want to play with me
- Used to go through the playground and pretend it was like a video game and would talk to myself to replace someone else being there
- Forced to go to social skills classes
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5th grade
- Sat underneath big tree and read Warriors for recess
- Ditched by Sophie Monte when she said she would play with me
- Had dandruff and my mom constantly said, "stop scratching your head" which made me feel ugly
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6th grade
- Was followed and hugged by a strange teenage boy, who was obviously sexually interested in me, before an adult got him away from me
- Forced to write a letter of apology to my English teacher and ask for extra credit because I got a B on an assignment; Mom said it was a "deplorable" grade
- Mom routinely read and "corrected" all of my writing assignments (although my grammar was better than hers)
- Tested at a grade 12 reading level and was soon labeled a "gifted" kid
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7th grade
- Had a hyperfixation on Hetalia, which was not really a problem because I had a best friend named Marzia who tolerated me
- Mom forced me to participate in horror writing contest. When I showed her it, she cried and asked, "why are you like this"
- Mom forced me to take down all of my creepypasta AMVs which I loved creating
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8th grade (cont.)
- Began to think I should be a man. Thought that was horrible because "men are abusers; maybe I want to just be one so I won't get used...like I should"
- Joined Google Plus and began to become popular, living a double life as a man online
- Once daydreamed, which I believe is a stim, so much (all day, every day), that it stopped "working." I cried all day
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8th grade
- Became borderline hypersexual, edgy, and sadistic which I had to hide from my parents
- Was sent to the hospital by my school because I got excited and told my science teacher I liked an anime character who "likes to kill cute boys." I spoke to everyone the same way regardless of who they were
- Was blackmailed for nudes by an adult man online, beginning a long-term fear of men, internalized sexism, and a belief that women are supposed to be used by men
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9th grade
- Parents took away my phone, which contained a lot of my friends, for getting a C on an English essay. I threatened suicide and soon was started on antidepressants
- Wrote "don't need chemistry if you're dead" on a test, and my teacher had to console me, but I don't think he ever saw it because I erased it
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10th grade
- Came out as pansexual to my parents. They ignored me, and it took 5 tries with a therapist to get them to say whatever
- Came out as genderfluid but it didn't work. For some reason, I have no memory of what happened during this time
- Felt that my entire worth to my parents was based on my grades and education
- Mother was an alcoholic and often verbally hurt me
- Started to become less popular on Google Plus as I became very severely depressed/suicidal and would post only depressing things
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10th grade (cont)
- Several people canceled on my 16th birthday so I threated suicide to my ex-partner, and police came to my house and I was forced on suicide watch
- My mother said, "God made you a girl, and you're staying that way"
- Started cutting
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11th grade
- Started to become extremely depressed and lost friends due to being so depressed
- Started transitioning
- Became hyperfixated on FFXV and played it a lot. This was the only happy time in my entire time in high school, tbh (aside from hanging out with my [also autistic] best friends)
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Iona College Freshman
- Had to pretend no one was at the dining room hall because I was always alone
- Could not find any real friends
- Hospitalized twice
- Almost stabbed myself one night and stabbed the bed instead
- Backstabbed by a best friend
- Fell in love with a man who removed himself from me
- Depression was excruciating
- Got so depressed that my entire personality and routine changed. I became obsessed with self-improvement and health and personal education
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Gap year
- Was non-violently anally raped (I did not say yes but didn't say no either although he usually pressured me for sex anyway)
- My mother blamed me for being raped (and said I should have said no)
- Depression finally relieved by vilazodone. Became a lot more stable and not suicidal