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Dec 7, 1972
Eleanor is born in the UK. The night of my birth my father is out with another woman. He comes home late to their country home with little gas in the car. My mother has been labouring at home with no way to contact him. He manages to get her to the hospital where he drops her off. I am born in fetal distress 3 hrs later. It was a traumatic birth for my mother. -
Dec 14, 1972
My mother discovers my fathers affair. She is distraught and loses a lot of weight. She is unable to breastfeed. She is ashamed to tell her family so keeps my fathers infidelity and erratic behaviour a secret.
There is much conflict, arguing and tension. -
June 1973 Maternal Grandfather dies suddenly at 50 yrs of age.
My family is shocked. My mother was the closest with her Father. He was the only one she felt understood her. Her protection and anchor has disappeared. We travel to Ireland to the funeral. My mother is distraught. -
Dec, 1973 -Father leaves family for the first time.
Parents separate for a year in length. My mother returns to teaching, I am put in daycare at the last minute. I get quite sick with gastroenteritis and am hospitalized. I contract lice at daycare and my mother is ashamed and embarrassed. She feels the Catholic church rejects her as she is separated and a single mother. -
Dec 1974 -Parents reunite
Reconciliation happens. My dad has an opportunity to move to Canada with work. They decide to move here and start a fresh page. -
April 1975 - We immigrate to Canada.
We leave behind extended family and move to Oakville, Ontario, Canada to start a new life. My parents buy a house. -
Thanksgiving 1981 - Dad leaves family for final time.
Dad moves out on Thanksgiving Monday. There are tears and yelling and a phone call from the other woman who is a family friend. My mother can't handle being there so we sleep over at a friend's house and go straight to school the next day. -
1981-85 - High Conflict Separation
Very confusing time. No one else's parents were separated. I felt very alone. We had little money, my dad was in and out, I wasn't aloud to go to his new house. He made me lie a lot. He came over every Tuesday, Thursday and Sunday for visits but was always hours late. I had no voice, no power, and was not allowed to express my feelings or get my dad mad or we would not get "the cheque". -
1982-1986 - Alone a lot
Mother works full time and goes back to university completing a double honours degree in 4 years. I was left with babysitters or when old enough by myself 3-4 nights a week. I felt very alone, especially as an only child. -
1988 - Dad moves back to the UK permanently
At the time this event did not seem to bother me, in fact it was a relief. I developed an eating disorder after this and in my own counselling journey discovered this third form of abandonment was very damaging to my emotional and psychological self. -
Fall 1991 - Health Crisis
Diagnosed with hypothyroidism, symptoms were severe exhaustion, depression, suicidal thoughts. Went on medication, with immediate positive results. -
1992- Meet my Husband
Greatest gift ever meeting my beloved husband. A gift and a blessing in my life. -
May 1993 - Maternal Grandmother dies unexpectedly
Two months before our wedding she passes. Return to UK for the funeral. -
Aug 6, 1993 - Get Married
Wonderful day. Full of joy and love. -
Jan 1996 - Daughter is born
Great delivery, joyous, although a surprise event. Begin motherhood:) -
Winter 1998 - Close friend dies unexpectedly in accident
Shocked, saddened. First close friend to die at such a young age. He has visited us just three weeks before. -
May 1998 - Son born
A joy! -
Apr 2001-Second son born
A blessing! -
2004 - Season of intense Pastoral work begins
Very quickly much tragedy befalls our congregation of 200 people. -
2004-2011 - Intense time of trauma and loss
Untimely deaths, Tammy, Tom etc.;
Friends sister brutally murdered in Montreal;
Member of our community killed on the mission field, leaving behind a wife, 6, 4 and 2 yr old. Impacts our community intensely;
Divorces, marriage issues, etc. -
2011 - Great personal losses
Friends in car crash, young son made a paraplegic, Rob's death three weeks later, our kids school closes (12 years of community), I go back to school but find it is not a fit for me (disappointment, shame, fear of future, "what will I do", fear of being left alone once my children leave home, home renovation that stirs up lots of fear around homelessness, finances. -
Dec 2011 - Nervous Breakdown
Awful time of debilitating anxiety, family and friends are incredibly supportive -
Sept 2012 - Second breakdown
Came off meds too early had relapse. Scary time, full of shame and sorrow -
Dec 2014 - Step down from pastoring
Hard decision but right decision. Feelings of loss of dreams, purpose, calling, failure, falling short. -
2014 - Daniel, friend's son dies unexpectedly
Again impacts our community -
2014-2015 - 2 Best Friends diagnosed with cancer within 6 weeks of each other.
Intense time of support and care, driving, cooking, taking care of their kids. Awareness of potential loss. -
2014 - Breakdown of close friendship
Long time friend choses to cut off ties with no explanation. Reach out to see if can reconcile, she rejects effort. Very painful. Was like a sister. -
2015 - Best friends Marriage breaks up
Long time family friends. Friend with cancer discovers her husband is having an affair during her cancer treatment. Lots of drama, interventions with combative husband (suspect him of BPD). -
2016 - Church in Peril
Dysfunctional leadership, unhealthy dynamics, very stressful. -
Aug 2017 - Leave church
Time to move on from our community of 23 years. Painful loss and grief but the right decision for our own emotional and spiritual health. -
Sept 2017 - Attack of Anxiety
Have childhood trauma stirred up by incident with Father. Have to take semester off of Master's Program to regroup. Sadness, grief, loss, fear may not recover. -
Dec 2018 - a few unexpected deaths
Good friend dies of ovarian cancer, friends child killed in climbing accident, older friend dies. Lots of funerals.