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birth
I did not cry. My mom says it would be a bad idea to shave my head bc when I was born my head had an ugly shape <3 (lol it's okay I love my mom) -
Period: to
Amish
cows! churning butter! bonnets and super plain everything! disconnected from the English (outside world lol), I was supposed to just live the way God wanted and have a simple honest life. And marry a man eventually. It's all super weird, my family left eventually though and THAT was a transition, golly! -
ew!
(small tw sexual harassment) I hate Colin. I was 8. Yay boys putting their hands wherever they damn want no matter how much you say no! -
why can't we just be friends though
I meet this kid Langston and he's only around for like a week or two (not even Amish, forget why he was there) and we got to be friends pretty quickly but then he like got awkward and had a crush on me and couldn't even tell me himself. I found out bc some girls told me he wanted to ask me out but was too shy to do it on his own. I just wanted to be friends, plus he wasn't in our community and we were like 11... I used avoidance to deal and he was super sad when he left and I felt So Guilty -
gay and unaware
The mental illness got sooo real here but ima not delve into it. Anyways I absolutely did not acknowledge it at the time but going back and reading old journals I absolutely had some homo feelings for one of my best friends at the time -
First and only boyfriend
Not Amish anymore, yay friendship, wtf is politics, WTF IS POLITICS, oh everyone is dating? And this boy is interested in me? Yeah please it wasn't very good we were "together" for roughly 9 months and kissed like once. He was kinda homophobic ngl, and didn't give a shit about anything I was interested in. I was very pissed off by the time I tried to break up with him lol he wouldn't let me talk to him, totally ignored me even though we agreed we had to talk, so then I broke up w him over text -
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public high school
State High. fucking wild, crazy, intense, competitive, mental stability down the drain BUT at least all my friends were queer -
mutual dump over text
yeahhhh That Guy (mentioned in 2016 but breakup was in 2017 idk) -
I even wrote a poem about her
idk if this worked
Link text -
classic lesbian move
I think this is roughly when this happened? Maybe the dats are wrong idk anyways I did the classic lesbian thing and dated one of my best friends Kate. I love her lots but uhh as I have mentioned, did not catch feelings, so then she did and I didn't and I felt bad and didn't want to lead her on so we broke up and she needed some time and I missed her a lot but we're tight again now and I'm v glad we are -
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Taylor
Big Fat Gay Crush! She wasn't out yet but I'd told my friends I was gonna ask her if she was into girls and also maybe ask her out, sooo I lied to my friends and they all thought I was sad and she wasn't into women... until she was okay coming out at which point I stopped lying but anyways I really really liked her, she was my first gf and I was very sad for multiple months when she text broke up with me over the summer (she was busy and we didn't see each other much so I get why it was text) -
Period: to
I Do Not catch feelings
Sad about Taylor for like a long while but yeah didn't catch feelings after that until Feb 2021 -
gal pal but actually
Not a relationship. I wanted to have feelings but didn't and I don't really think she did either but we hung out a lot and never kissed or anything but yeah Kyra is a wonderful human, we went to junior prom together and had met the previous summer at a social justice summer camp, good times, an actual gal pal -
Period: to
Well fuck.
TW ED, depression
In which I ride the eating disorder train straight into a locked hallway of a hospital! This consists of doing terribly in every aspect of senior year, a buttload of shit nobody should go through, social isolation, and eventually inpatient followed by residential followed by partial hospitalization (online bc covid) followed by my normal outpatient recovery team. This isn't a relationship thing but it's relevant to other things ig? -
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residential + Jewel
What a wild time! Made friends, cried sooo much, shit tons of therapy, the reason I fucking hate eggplant, wow I was really there for 7 whole weeks...
If I was into men I sooooo would have been crushing on one of the BHTs
I made out with Jewel in the zen room lol, hello 8 year age gap but like if I met up with them I'd do it again tbh -
inpatient
I learn about COVID on the news on TV at 7am every day and have no solid idea of what everything looks like outside of the hospital
kinda sucked, there was one wall phone and near the end of my stay someone fucking hogged it ALL THE TIME to have VERY audible phone sex w her boyfriend. Girl we can all hear you.... Please for the love of god, -
wait, I'm still capable of feelings?
Even with masks on, holy shit the moment I saw her I knew there was something there. Which is soooooo cheesy but like. Also once I talked to them more it was just yes yes yes yes yes -
Period: to
a really wonderful relationship
Feelings like crazy. Within like 2 weeks of meeting we're dating. I spend so much time with her and everything is wonderful. Unfortunately my brain is chemically fucked so by the end of the summer I've somehow lost feelings and it's still garbage that that happened and now we don't really talk. I want to and I miss hanging out buuut they wanted space and that's what I've been doing :/ -
Period: to
WHOREDOM
Fuck it, I don't catch feelings and I'm honestly not very into exclusivity and I can't commit. So I don't want a relationship but I will absolutely be a hoe! Make out with everyone. Some people a little more than others. Overall a good time but I do drink so so much and uhhhh yeah this is my sex drugs and rock n roll period
to be continued?