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I was born
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Reunited After the Holocaust
One of my great-grandmothers was one of the only people in her family to survive the Holocaust. When I was young, suddenly an old man came to our door who didn't speak any English. It was her long-lost brother! He had survived the war and had been looking for her ever since. They had been separated for more than 50 years. It was a miraculous reunion but also incredibly tragic. It is one of my earliest memories. -
Why does she always want me to eat?
I ask my mom why my other great-grandmother always makes me eat so much when we visit. My mom says "Because she had so little to eat growing up, she always wants to make sure you're full" -
I start coming out
This is a noteworthy age for several reasons, but also including the fact that I became religious after coming out at a young age -
Basketball Injury and Looking for More
I played basketball at a highly competitive level in middle school and high school. At the end of spring league in 2003, I tore my ankle ligament and had a sinking feeling that I wasn't going to be able to play basketball as seriously as I had. That summer I was on crutches and couldn't work. I asked my mom to drop me off at the library before she went to work, and she picked me up after work (often 10-12 hours later). I would bring two sandwhiches and two apples with me and read all day. -
"This is what I want"
One day, in my summer-long reading marathon, I read a book by Joseph Telushkin about Judaism and living every day more meaningfully. I read the entire book in one day and told my mom in the car when she picked me up that evening that I wanted to become religious. I never looked back since then. It was a turning point in my life. -
Learning, learning, learning
After deciding I wanted to live a Jewish life, I started a many-years journey of reading and learning Jewish sources, texts, and sefarim constantly. I later realized I Jewishly self-educated myself in many ways -
Learning with Rabbi
I start learning weekly with my local rabbi, and going to all services my synagogue had. I even got a late pass so I could go to morning minyan regularly and arrive late to my first period with an excused tardy. My learning with my rabbi was an important time in my life and brought me more deeply into judaism. I also started teaching myself to phonetically read Hebrew and started keeping more mitzves -
Choosing college with large Orthodox community
I applied to Columbia/JTS's double degree program, deciding I wanted to be an environment with other observant Jews my age. I was the first person to go to college in my family, and anticipated there being a bit of a culture shock at the very wealthy Columbia University. I found myself in a very wealthy Jewish community that was often alienating and sometimes disappointing. At the same time, I was around observant peers for the first time. It was an important and complicated peer group -
Hadar
I start learning and davvening at Hadar -
Noticing a change in language
I go from saying "I can't go out on Friday nights" to "I don't go out on Friday nights". The change is very subtle, and I don't even notice it until some time after I made the shift, but I realized it was a significant change -
Orthodox community...?
I go through a series of homophobic experiences in Orthodox communities that make me question how much I can be a part of the Orthodox community. I realize that there are very few, if any, people in the Orthodox community who are willing to advocate for me and look at for me, and if I want to be a part of the community I'm going to need to take care of myself -
Tunisian Jewish Community
I spend my first summer in the Tunisian Jewish community, learning Muslim dialect Tunsi, as well as Judeo-Tunsi and Fusha. Being in an "old world", very strong Jewish community was a very formative experience. I saw a way of life that I loved, was very thick, and very rooted -
Break Up
My college girlfriend & I break up after 2.5 years together because of religious differences. We loved each other, but I was too religious for her&she didn't want to live the same kind of religious life that I did. It was a big moment realize how important my religious life was for me, that I was able&willing to end relationships for it. I wasn't sure if the life & family I wanted as a gay Orthodox Jew were possible, but I was willing to end a very serious relationship to fry to get what I need -
Queer Jewish friends
Though I have been in observant community for a long time, I knew very few LGBTQ observant Jews. In January of 2011, I went to Eshel, a national group for LGBTQ Orthodox Jews. Simply put, it is a life-changer, and I have a deeper appreciation for the need to live in queer community -
Washington Heights
With friends I met at Eshel, I start going to a shul in Washington Heights that is halachic egal (people learn all the time, davven three times a day, are shomer shabbes, etc) and very embracing of LGBTQ people. It feels like home -
Teaching in public school in Boston
I love teaching in public school, but notice how distant I feel from my students who are overwhemlingly Catholic. Many of my colleagues go to the same churches every Sunday as our students, and I start to think more seriously about the role of shared culture in teaching -
I meet Yudis!
Yudis and I meet, very appropriately, at a Jewish retreat center (Isabella Friedman). We start corresponding by letter back and forth and start dating shortly after -
I am hit by a car
I get hit by a car making an illegal turn while I was commuting to work by bike. I have a traumatic brain injury, miss much work time, and go through more than a year of occupational therapy three times a week before needing to have surgery and more months of occupational therapy. The accident puts all of my decisions into perspective: having decided to move back to New York for religious reasons and to be closer to Yudis, the way I am living my life, and much more. I am confident about my path -
Move back to NY
I move back to NY because the Boston Jewish community wasn't a good fit for me personally. Leading up to the move I often reflet on Pirkei Avot's instruction to move to a place where there is Torah, and reflect on what that means for me. Yudis and I are becoming more serious, and she moves to NY and lives with her grandmother, and we are living in the same city for the first time -
Pre-Marriage Counseling
Since I was 19, I had started reading books about marriage and Jewish marriage, preparing for my eventual marriage (I was a very decisive and forward-looking kid from the start). I decided then that I wanted to do pre-marriage counseling before deciding to become engaged to my future partner, to take the opportunity to see if it was a good match. As Yudis and I got more serious, we entered pre-marriage counseling together. It was a wonderful experience and led to our engagement in February 2014. -
I have surgery
I have surgery from continuing complications from car wreck. I am only able to get through recovery because of the way my shul showed up for me with food and lots of other help. -
Wedding!
Yudis and I get married. Our wedding was incredible and transformative. It really taught me the meaning and purpose of community in a lot of ways. It changed the way I see the world, the purpose of life, and the importance of simchas. -
Pardes
I learn at Pardes and can see slowly over time that, even though my identity is very formed and settled in many ways, that my learning at Pardes seeps into my bones and forms and shapes me in sublte but, I believe, lasting ways. I enjoy the fact that even though I understand myself as an adult and my identity as being overwhelmingly formed, I am still having formative experiences when it comes to Jewish learning.