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During the years of 3-5, I attended preschool and engaged with new people outside of my family. These were the years that I was trying new forms of play with my friends and siblings at home. I grew a strong sense of initiative at first, but in the years of 4-5, I grew more guilty when I took more risks when playing with my little sister. The scolding outweighed the praise I would get and I developed a strong sense of shame in the following years.
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This was the stage in my life when I was going to school that had an academically higher-achieving group of students. As a 6-11 year-old, I remained involved in various sports and activities without ever properly mastering a single one. The scolding from my parents continued, and I was never highly academically achieved, so I thought being a quiet, attentive student would solve my problems. My development of self-worth was minimal in these years, leading me to feel a sense of inferiority.
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From 15-18, I attended a good high school and stayed in the honors and advanced placement classes. Air riflery was my main sport and I continued singing lessons, developing my confidence on stage and with people. After my grandma's passing, I felt unloved and began weaving in and out of relationships. My sense of self-worth deteriorated and led me to feel depressed. Life was the best, and it was the worst all at once. I was confused.