The Bell Jar

Job in NY

1 CE

Esther Greenwood:
Twelve of us at the hotel Amazon, NY. It`s hotel for women only.
We had all won a fashion magazine contest, by writing essays and poems, and fashion blurbs, and as a prize they gave us jobs in NY for a month.
Characters: Doreen (friend), Jay Cee (boss), Betsy, Lenny Shepherd ("I am famous as hell."), Frankie (Lennys friend)

Meeting Lenny Shepherd

1 CE

Doreen and Esther went to a party.
They have met Lenny Shepherd and his friends. "I said my name was Elly Higginbottom. I felt safer that way because I didn't want anything of that night to be associated with me" Esther went with Doreen at Lenny`s place.
Doreen hooked up with Lenny. "I liked looking at people in crucial situations...if there was a road accident or a street fight or a baby pickled in a laboratory jar for me to look at I'd stop and look so hard so I never forgot it."

Esther`s thoughts (chapter One)

Period: 1 CE to 1 CE

• "The idea of being electruted makes me sick."
• "I couldn't help wondering what it would be like being burned alive all along your nerves."
• "I know something was wrong about me this summer."
• "I just bumped from my from my hotel to work and parties and from parties to my hotel and back to work like a numb..."
• "... but I couldn't get myself to react..."
• "I felt very still and very empty." -"Being with Doreen Made me forget my worries"

Doreen and Esther, after party

2

Doreen and Lenny stayed at his place.
Esther came back to the hotel. "... I walked into the lobby of the hotel... and my feet only slightly swollen." Doreen woke up Esther. "I decided the only thing to do was to dump her on the carpet and shut and lock my door and go back to bed."
"A jet of brown vomit flew from her mouth and spread in a large puddle at my feet."
"I decided I would watch her and listen to what she said but deep down I would have nothing at all to do with her."

Esther`s thoughts (chapter Two)

Period: 2 to 2

• "My drink was wet and depressing. Each time I took a other sip it tasted more and more like dead water."
• "They had the windows fixed so you couldn't really open them and lean out, and for some reason this made me furious."
• " The silence depressed me. It was my own silence...there was street noise but I couldn't hear a thing."
• "I never feel so much myself as when I'm in a hot bath....I felt myself growing pure again." "I felt angry with Doreen for waking me up."

Esther`s morning

3

E- "I hadn't had time to eat any breakfast at the hotel cafeteria that morning, expect for a cup of overstewed coffe so bitter it made my nose curl and I was starving." Doreen was spending the most of her free time with Lenny Shepherd now.
Esther reminded standing joke she had with her grandfather.

Betsy, Esther, Jay Cee

3

Bets invited Eshter to the fur show.
Jay Cee talked with Esther about hers future plans. E- "My mother spoke German during her childhood... My German speaking father dead since I was nine... my youngest brother..."
"I had to laugh when I thought about the rest of the year...I went to the chemistry class five times a week and didn't miss a single one...Mr. Manzi would glance at me now and then and see me writing and send me a sweet little appreciative smile..."

Esther`s thoughts (chapter Three)

Period: 3 to 3

• "I love food more than just about anything else...no matter how much I eat I never put on weight."
• "I felt very low. I missed Doreen." -"I felt a deep shock hearing myself say that because the minute I said it I knew it was true."
• "Botany was fine because I loved cutting up leaves and putting them under the microscope and drawing diagrams of bread mold and the odd heart shaped leaf in the sex cycle of the fern it seemed so real to me."

Poisoned

4

E- "My secret hope of spending the afternoon alone in Central Park died in glass of Ladies Days revolving doors." Esther, Betsy, Hilda and Ann Offenbach went to see a movie.
Betsy and Esther went back at the hotel. E- "We felt like hell."
Nurse and doctor helped Esther, she was food poisoned.

Esther`s thoughts (chapter Four)

Period: 4 to 4

• "I wished I had a mother like Jay Cee."
• "I could feel the winter shaking my bones and banging my teeth together..."
• "I felt sorry for Mr. Manzi...for being such an awful liar."
• "My mother hated and hated my father for dying and leaving us no money..."

Buddy Willard 1

5

E- "I remember the first night he kissed me. It was strange." Esther is remembering her time with Buddy Willard.
Esther found out that Buddy was the baby horn when he got medical scholarship.

Esther`s thoughts (chapter Five)

Period: 5 to 5

• "...at first I thought he was the most wonderful boy I' d ever seen."
• "I wanted to crawl in between those black line of print the way you crawl through a fence and go sleep under that beautiful big green tree."
• "I spent a lot of time having imaginary conversations with Buddy Willard."
• "If you expect nothing from somebody you are never disappointed."

Buddy Willard 2

6

Buddy showed really interesting hospital sights to Esther. E- "...we went to see a baby born. The first thing that baby did was pee in the doctors face... big glass bottles full of babies that had died before they were born..." Buddy showed himself naked to Esther.
Esther decided to ditch Buddy who later called her to say he has TB. E- "I simply told everyone that Buddy had TB and we were practically engaged...they were extremely kind to me because they thought I was so brave..."

Esther`s thoughts (chapter Six)

Period: 6 to 6

• "And I felt very depressed...But undressing in front of buddy suddenly appealed to horrible."
• "But when I hung up I didn't feel one bit sorry. I only felt a wonderful relief."
• "After that something in me just froze up."

Constantin

7

Esther decided she would let Constantin seduce her.
Esther and Constantin went in his apartment.
Esther and Consantion were lying side by side and fell asleep. E- "I held my breath but the breathing kept on. For a few minutes I leaned over studying him. I had never fallen asleep beside a man before. "

Esther`s thoughts (chapter Seven)

Period: 7 to 7

• "I was only purely happy until I was nine years old...how strange I thought..."
• " I wanted to do most but they cost too much money."
• "I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this tree, starving to death just because I couldn't make up my mind...I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant loosing all the rest and as I sat there unable to decide the figs begin to wrinkle and go black."
• "I never wanted to get married..."

Buddy Willard 3

8

Mr. Willard drove Esther up to the Adirondacks to visit Buddy (at the sanatorium).
Buddy asked Esther to marry him.
Buddy and Esther went skiing. -"How would you like to be Mrs. Buddy Willard."
- "Let me fly with you."

Esther`s thoughts (chapter Eight)

Period: 8 to 8

• "I felt overstuffed and disappointed and dull the way I always do the day after Christmas."
• "No. My mind is made up."
• "This is what it is to be happy...air, mountains, trees, people..."
• "A dispassionate white sun shine at the summit of the sky. I wanted to hone myself on it till I grew saintly and thin and essential as the blade if a knife."

Writing course, Marco

9

Esther applied for summer school course.
Esther met Marco on the party.
Marco was mean to Esther and he lost his diamond. E- "I left Marco on his hands and knees scrabbling in the darkness for another smaller darkness that hid the light of his diamond from his furious eyes."

Esther`s thoughts (chapter Nine)

Period: 9 to 9

• "I said I wanted to be a poet."
• "I felt limp and betrayed like the skin shed by a terrible animal."
• "I paused.the obstacle seemed unreal to me. I f you love her you'll love somebody else someday."
• "I had never met a women hater before. I could tell Marco was one."
• "I felt so grateful he hadn't asked what sort of drink I wanted."

Home

10

Esther had come home, in Boston.
Esther fond out she didn`t make writing course and she was devastated.
Esther wrote to Buddy back: "I was engaged to a simultaneous interpreter and never wanted to see Buddy again as I did not want to give my children a hypocrite for a father."
Doctor Gordon Teresa said to Esther she needs to visit a psychiatrist.

Esther`s thoughts (chapter Ten)

Period: 10 to 10

• "I didn't really see why people should look at me."
• "I felt it was very important not to be recognized."
• "My heroine would be myself only in disguise. She would be called Elaine."
• "The only thing was when I tried to picture myself in some job...my mind went blank."
• "I couldn't see the point of getting up."
• "Children made me sick."
• "I decided I would spend the summer writing a novel that would fix a lot of people."

Psychiatrist

11

Esther visited Doctor Gordon because she can`t sleep, read or eat and she hates her handwriting.
Next morning Dodo Conway drove Esther and her mother to Walton (hospital).

Esther`s thoughts (chapter Eleven)

Period: 11 to 11

• "At first I wondered shy the room felt so safe. Then I realized it was because there were no windows."
• "You tell me the truth I said or I'll never speak to you again."
• "The trouble was if you didn't pick the right number of stories, you might be still alive when you hit the bottom. I thought seven stories must be safe distance."
• "It must take courage to die like that. My trouble was I hated the sight of blood."

First Shock therapy

12

Esther had shock therapy.
Esther tried to kill herself.

• "That morning I had made a start. I had locked myself in the bathroom and run a tub full of warm water, and taken out a Gillette blade....So I sat in the edge of the tub and crossed my right ankle over my left knee. Then I lifted my right hand with the razor and let it drop of its own weight onto the calf of my leg...I felt nothing..."

Esther talked with prison guard.

Esther`s thoughts (chapter Twelve)

Period: 12 to 12

• " I thought my bones would break and the sap fly out of me....I wondered what terrible thing it was that I had done."
• "But I didn't. I felt terrible."
• "I thought the most beautiful thing in the world must be shadow."
• "I waited as if the sea could make my decision for me."

Key point

13

Esther was hanging out with Cal, Jody and Mark on the beach.
Esther talked with Cal about death and suicide.
Esther tired to drown herself in the sea.
Esther read some psychology books.
Esther volunteered in hospital.
Esther tried to kill herself with taking many pills.

Esther`s thoughts (chapter Thirteen)

Period: 13 to 13

• "I was disappointed. I wouldn't have a clue as to what part of me to shoot at."
• "I thought drowning must be the kindest way to die, and burning the worst. "
• "I thought I would swim out until I was too tired to swim back. As I paddled on my heartbeat boomed like a dull motor in my ears..."
• "I thought that if my father hadn't died he would taught me all about insects..."
• "The dark felt thick as velvet."
• "I couldn't understand why I was I crying so hard."

Hospital

14

Esther was taken into the hospital.
Esther`s mother and brother visited her.

Esther`s thoughts (chapter Fourteen)

Period: 14 to 14

• "I felt darkness, but nothing else..."
• "I let then stick out.just they were disgusting and ugly...that's me.. I thought. That's what I am."
• "Why I can't get up. I am not sick."
• "I wanted to be where nobody I knew could ever come."

Private hospital (Caplan)

15

Esther has been moved into the private hospital.
Esther got new psychiatrist- Doctor Nolan.
Esther talked with Joan and Valerie.

Esther`s thoughts (chapter Fifteen)

Period: 15 to 15

• "I think I will never write again."
• "I knew I should be grateful to Mrs. Guinea only I couldn't feel a thing."
• "Because whatever I sat on the deck of a ship or at a street cafe in Paris or Bangkok I would be sitting under the same glass bell jar, stewing in my own sour air."
• "The air of the bell jar wadded round me and I couldn't stir."
• "I was surprised to have a woman. I didn't think they had woman psychiatrists."
• "I liked the smell of smoke."

Reaction

16

Esther read the article about her situation in a magazine.
Esther had a reaction.
Esther`s mother bring roses to Esther for her birthday.

Esther`s thoughts (chapter Sixteen)

Period: 16 to 16

-"I hated these visits because I kept feeling the visitors measuring my fat and stringy hair against what I had been and what they wanted me to be...."

Second Shock therapy

17

Esther had another shock therapy.

Esther`s thoughts (chapter Seventeen)

Period: 17 to 17

• "I had gone to bed right after supper but then I heard the piano music and pictured Joan and DeeDee and Loubelle, the blonde woman and the rest of them, laughing and gossiping about Lenin the living room behind my back..."
• "I hang on to Doctor Nolan's arm like death and every so often she gave me an encouraging squeeze. "

Peace

18

Esther felt peace after shock therapy.
Esther will be having shock treatments three time a week and she had got town privileges.

Esther`s thoughts (chapter Eighteen)

Period: 18 to 18

• "I felt surprisingly at peace.the bell jar hung suspended a few feet above my head I was open to circulating air."
• "....and her cornhusk voice made me want to puke."

Joan, Professor of Mathematics

19

Esther hooked up with professor of Mathematics and ended up in hospital.
Joan has been found dead.

Esther`s thoughts (chapter Nineteen)

Period: 19 to 19

• "I thought how lucky it was I started practicing birth control during the day..."
• "I smiled into the dark I felt part I great tradition."

Reality

20

Esther was invited to the Joan`s funeral.
Buddy had visited Esther.
Esther had interview with doctors..
Doctor Nolan gave advice to Esther: "lot of people would treat you gingerly or even avoid you..."

Esther`s thoughts (chapter Twenty)

Period: 20 to 20

• "To the person in the bell jar blank and stopped as a dead baby the world itself is the bad dream."
• "How did I know that someday at collage in Europe somewhere anywhere the bell jar with its stifling distortions wouldn't descend again?"
• "I felt unaccountably weak kneed and relieved."
• "I was perfectly free."
• "I took a deep breath and listened to the old brag of my heart."
• "I was scared to death....I stepped into the room."