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Emmie's Jewish Growth
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Birth
People always ask when I started "feeling" Jewish, because I'm a patrilineal and "not really Jewish". I can't remember a time I wasn't Jewish, so this is a hard question to answer. -
Start School
I started school at a very small private school. There were no other Jewish children in my class. I remember having to explain to everyone "we celebrate Hanukah and Christmas." I think my classmates were jealous! -
Grandpa Billy/ Velvl death
My Grandpa was the most influential Jewish adult in my life. Don't get me wrong, no one in my family was very observant. I wanted to be just like my Grandpa. He was a very quiet man who gave hugs so tight they hurt your arms. I was very quiet, too so he felt like someone I could relate to. He was the editor of the Toledo Blade and at his funeral so many people said how he had made them better writers. -
"you're not Jewish"
This is also about when I started hearing this a lot. I was going to a school with a lot more Jewish students by then so I wasn't the odd one out. However, my family never prioritized or even thought about religious education so I didn't have much of a leg to stand on to combat this claim. -
Hillel
When I went to college, I started participating, cautiously, in Hillel events. The great thing about these was that no one questioned my right to be there. I learned that there were a lot of experiences I was missing out on that made me feel less Jewish. On the other hand I was able to learn. My "cover story" has been: "My parents weren't observant, what does this mean?" It didn't feel like a lie. Anyway, that allowed me to learn some basics. -
Observant?
My Jewish practices are pretty spotty during this time period, and mostly alone or with one or two others. I'm a shy person naturally, and very protective of my Judaism. I'm a competetive athlete (coxswain) in college and I end up being very competitive in my post-collegiate years as well. Basically, my whole life is crew. -
Tree of Life Shooting
I grew up in Pittsburgh and went to school about a block from the Tree of Life Synagogue from ages 12-18. A lot of classmates lost elderly relatives in this tragedy. This was kind of a landmark moment for me. For one, I decided I was sick of being a Jew by myself. I felt like no one could understand me. I was living in Newton at the time and I always saw Temple Emanuel whenever I was driving around. I walked into the building, not really sure what I was doing and my life changed -
Temple Emmanuel
A rabbi had me hold the Torah and gave me a bracha. It felt like magic. I kept on coming back. I was definitely really nervous at services. -
Conversion?
Rabbi Aliza Berger ( a Hebrew College graduate!) tells me I might be interested in this adult learning class. It's a conversion class, but no pressure to convert (more on that later!). I decide to take it. I learn a lot. I also meet someone who I now consider to be one of my closest friends (Hi, Garrett!) -
Conversion Part 2
I get to the end of the year long class. My classmates are converting. Most of them are interfaith couples in which one partner is converting for marriage. (I'm a bit jealous). I find I still can't convert. For one thing, I'm already Jewish. For another thing, if there are still people who won't consider me Jewish what's the point? -
Start work at the JCC
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I start at Hebrew College
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Conversion Pt. 3
My year long course finishes and all my classmates convert. I have a lot of conversations. Personally, I handle ambiguity poorly. I need the all or nothing halachic status. Rabbi Aliza asks me if I want to be Orthodox. I dodge the question. Spoiler alert coming in three...two...one... -
Orthodox
I'm keeping names and places to myself in order to protect an in-process conversion. I start studying for conversion with an Orthodox rabbi. My observance grows a lot. Only G-d knows why this is what works for me. -
Start Working at Maimonides Pre-School
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Corona Virus
So, the bad news is, I was supposed to be converted by now. By the way, I never refer to myself as a convert outside of meetings with the Bet din. I find baal teshuva more appropriate. I guess it's kind of a weird double standard. I'll use it and I'll allow my sponsoring rabbi because I don't think he would sponsor my conversion if I refused to think of myself as a convert, but it's not a term that describes me. Corona virus kind of stops me in my path. -
Present
so here we are. I'm trying to schedule my final meeting with the Bet din. This process has been incredibly stressful and I'm not sure I'd recommend it to anyone. That said, I can't imagine doing this any other way. -
disclaimer!
Just a last disclaimer- I'm really careful about who I reveal conversion and patrilineal status to, because it's a really touchy issue for me! I feel comfortable sharing it with most of my Hebrew College classmates and my partner, but a lot of people in my daily life don't know, and I prefer to keep it that way! Thanks!