How I Knew Harold

Suprise

1953

Mom tells the family she's pregnant. My brother bounces around the living room with a pillow on his head wailing "it will change our whole lives!" This story is recounted each year around my birthday.

My Darlin' Clementine

1957

Dad and I sing My Darlin' Clementine every morning on the way to school.

Prankster brother

1962

my brother feels like scaring the hell out of me and chases me around the house with a butcher knife. I hide behind Dad's suits. It smells like Old Spice.

Grandma

1963

Grandma gives me ten bucks for learning the times tables.

Beautiful

1964

Mom colors her hair–starts wearing eye shadow and mascara. She's standing over a steaming sink in a pale green mohair singing "Edelweiss." She looks absolutely radiant.

Friend

1968

Patty Bryant and I run out on the check at Woolworth's.

Dinner Discussion

1969

I tell my parents over dinner that I'd live with a man before I'd marry him. Dad says it's unnatural. I tell him to get his own dessert.

Argue

1972

my sister tells me and my parents she's gay. Dad says it's unnatural and they start arguing. I keep quiet. Mom goes into the kitchen to make sundaes.

Independence?

1978

I leave home to move in with Jack. Dad and I are standing in the driveway. They don't want me to go. He's Jewish. Mom packs ham sandwiches and slips me two twenties. I move back in three months.

Funeral

1979

my friend Sandy plays taps at a funeral gig, so I go along. I walk up to the casket in my boots and fur jacket. I'm checking out the deceased when a woman grabs my elbow. She wants to know how I knew Harold.

Uncomfortable encounter

1981

we run into your old girlfriend on an elevator. She's wearing black leather pants and a tank top. She asks how I like New York. We are all sweating bullets. I want to say it sucks, but the doors open and she's gone. We miss our floor.