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Event 1: Birth
Born to a middle class couple. Mexican-American father, white mother. This racial identify set my struggle to find where I "fit." I'm the first-born child, which impacts the rest of my life in terms of expectations, responsibilities, and gender roles. My birth into this family provided safety, security, and love. In the photo, you see my maternal grandmother and I. She was instrumental in my childhood, providing safety and love. -
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Childhood
My childhood consisted of trying to figure out how I fit into my family. My nuclear family was supportive and encouraged my growth. My friends and school environments also did. But I often felt like I didn't see my identity reflected anywhere but in my brothers. I didn't look like my friends. I didn't look like the girls in my family. My school life was positive, and my parents' values were reflected at school, so my mezzosystems were fairly aligned in values, until they weren't. -
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High School
High school was overall really a great experience for me. I had a good group of friends, I was highly involved in softball, band, and leadership. But I was also often singled out for my race. At the time, I was proud of this. I loved being a little different. But, looking back on it, I know that it also was confusing. I never felt like I fully fit in, and it wasn't anything specific that my friends did, just that I couldn't talk with anyone whose experiences matched mine. -
Event 2: High School: Microaggression Age 16 Adolescence
While I experienced some identity questioning as a child (staying inside one summer when I was 8 so that I wasn't too tan), my strongest experience with microaggressions came as a teen. I was an honors student, the only latina in those classes. I alone received a letter, in Spanish, inviting me to an info session on tutoring for college, especially for latino youth. I received this only because my name was Hernandez. This letter told me, from my school district, that I was different. -
Event 3: College: Global Awareness Age 19 Adolescence
While in college, I participated in protests at the School of the Americas. This experience caused me to question society, to question the boxes I was raised in (to never question authority), and deepened my desire to connect to my latin american roots. It spurred my path towards social justice. This is where my micro system of my home bubble, my liberal arts college, finally met the macro level of policy and change--where I could act. -
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College Years
My college years afforded me the opportunity to befriend people who had experienced similar questioning as children. I met others who were also caught between their parents' culture, their community's culture, and their own identity split between the two. I was challenged to really talk about race for the first time in my life, and I loved it. Here, I found a meshing of microsystems that had all grown up with macro policies of separation and oppression, we just didn't always know it. -
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Post college exploration
After college, marriage and a baby came quickly. We moved to Colorado for my first teaching job, where I now worked with the realities of people who looked like me. It took moving away from home to more deeply discovered who I was, while I worked with my latino students in Pueblo, CO. After a few years of teaching, I wanted to explore other options, so we joined Maryknoll Lay Missioners and were sent to Sao Paulo, Brazil. I wanted my micro work to have a greater impact on a macro level. Foolish -
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2013-2017
The years we lived in Brazil absolutely changed my life forever. Here, I was humbled to understand that I know very little and I needed to listen a lot more (why I was foolish). I learned that kindness and relationships are the foundation to any work or real change. Through Portuguese, I became closer to my Mexican heritage, for I found I could finally keep up with my dad's side's Spanish conversations. Even now, I translate from English to Portuguese to Spanish. My identity is a blend. -
Event 4: Giving Birth in Brazil Age 25 Young Adulthood
International work taught me our micro systems have ripple effects we can't imagine. My family values, the values I learned from church and school, were put into practice with new communities. I was forced to defend (or not) U.S. macro policies to my Brazilian friends. Here, I gained a new understanding of "outsider," and because of that I will always have compassion for anyone branded as "other." Giving birth to my daughter made Brazil part of our family roots forever. We are all connected -
Event 5: Life back in the U.S. Age 32 Adulthood
Returning was difficult. I had grown; people expected me to be the same. My mom was glad that I would "finally settle down." Her wishes were not to be. We moved to NYC (where I felt even more connected to my latina side), then out to Colorado (where I now feel further away, but more self assured.) I can now be a resource for my latino students, guiding them through their own identity questions, parent expectations and their peers' microaggressions. I'm still an outsider, but tuned in.