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The foundation is formed.
My grandparents were married for 61 years before my grandfather passed away in 2001. These are my mother's parents. She was a housewife raising 9 children and he was a farmer. This image is the beginning of what I know as my family. They are significant because my mother has been the biggest influence in my life and they were her biggest influence. In my early years, they were instrumental in forming my ideas about family and culture. -
A Mess of a Marriage
My parents were married until 1984. They had 3 children together, me being the youngest. Their marriage was steeped in trouble from the very first day due to my father's alcoholism. Everything my mother knew of about marriage and family was challenged. I would grow up with conflicted ideas about how importatnt marriage is and how important it is in our culture. This is the only photo I have of my parents together. -
A Child is Born
I was born a blank slate, unaware of culture and anything else. My mother was a factor worker and my father a construction worker. At the time of my birth there was a great deal of turmoil between my parents due to my father's struggle with alcohoism. This is the oldest photo I own of myself. I am unclear about my age at the time this photo was taken and because of that I feel it captures the naivity that all children are born with and keep until significant events begin to take place. -
The lines get blurred.
In her junior year of high school, my sister started dating an African-American young man. I remember this as a significant event distinctly because of my mother's reaction to it. Prior to this event, I never thought about the differences between black and white people. I did not think it was a bad thing if black and white people dated because I did not see differences. My mother's reaction taught me that other people see differences and it made me wonder why crossing color lines was so bad. -
Star-crossed lovers meet.
Not long after my sister shook the cultural beliefs my mother had about interracial dating and marrriage, I met the future father of my children who was also African-American. This did not go over well with my mother. She was not raised in a time where blacks and whites got together and formed families. The fact that her daughters had both found love on the other side of her color boundary upset the beliefs she had been raised with. I was in love with a man and simply did not see his color. -
A step towards completion.
I have no pictures with my father before 1999. My parents divorce meant that I grew up without the influence of a father. This lack of influence had a great impact on my beliefs about marriage and my ability to have a successful relationship with a man. This is the very first picture I have with my dad. -
A child is born.
My son was born in 2004. The love that had once caused so much anguish for my mother and me had now produced a grandchild that needed to be loved. -
Goodnight sweet prince.
I lost my love and father of my son to cancer in 2013. After all of the turmoil our relationship had been through due to the cultural differences my mother believed had existed, he left this plane of existence. It taught me about symbols of affection and how they can come to mean so much. It was not in our nature to hug each other and show affection but this event showed me that it is something so necessary to all cultures and human beings in general. We have one life. -
Lessons learned alone.
I had to start raising my son alone in 2013. This photo was taken 1 year after the death of his father. I took him to his first wedding in California. I was able to teach him that marriages work for many people but not being married does not make you less of a person or your reationship less important. His father and I were never married so he has had issues with that idea. I can teach him the things my mother did not teach me. -
A whole person.
I have learned a lot about family and culture from my experiences so far in this life. I have not had many happy experiences but I am grateful for them all in spite of that. I know that marriage is not necessary; love should be color blind; telling people you love them is important; and hugs are essential to human happiness across cultures. This knowledge makes me whole.
