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King Syrupy II throws waffle at mistress
Allegedly disgruntled by a hairy mole on his mistress's cheek, the truculent sovereign tossed a waffle, Belgium's national treasure, which struck her squarely in the face. King Syrupy's treasurer, Klaus von GooeyMess, later wrote in his memoirs:
"The waffle left a residue of maple syrup upon the lady's cheek, at which point she commenced bitter weeping." -
Period: to
The Belgian Waffle Crisis
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Prussia places chocolate sanctions on Belgium.
Fearing the spread of radicals and waffle-borne projectiles from Belgium, Prussia places stiff chocolate sanctions upon the tiny, sticky nation. Belgian chocolate exports grind to a halt. The Belgian riots worsen, with heretofore very proper ladies running through the streets with their pantaloons on their heads. -
Belgium conscripts Swedish Ikea soldiers.
They're deadly with an Allen wrench. And don't even get me started on their radioactive-red fish. -
Republic of Gluten-free Waffles established.
The rogue mountainous region of western Belgium declares its autonomy and becomes the RGFW. This does nothing to quell the civil strife in Belgium. One Belgian peasant is reported to have cried: "The streets run brown from a hellish mixture of blood, maple syrup, and coal dust! God save Europe! For us Belgians, it is too late, too late." He later died with a waffle jammed down his throat. -
Wilson weighs in
In a letter to the beleagured Belgian king, President Wilson writes, "Eventually I will write a treaty which will contain several points. I'm thinking of 13, but as we all know, that number is exceedingly unlucky. If you would like us to make concessions to Belgium, I would encourage you to help me think of another point. I promise to write it into the final declaration. May I suggest some economic policy that would increase the value of your waffles."
