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First year of Teaching
Realizing my lifelong dream of becoming a teacher...at 40! -
CLL Diagnosis
After having strep throat or pneumonia every second month, I was sent to see Dr. Moltzan, without knowing that she was a hematologist working out of Cancer Care St. Boniface. It was nice to have a reason behind illness after illness. This is where I learned the phrase, "watch and wait". My husband and I told the kids that I was on this new journey, but we weren't hitting the panic button yet. I learned that I would be marinating with CLL for a while. -
Dr Moltzan could be a champion poker player
Can't get her to crack a smile. She won't tell me to worry. Just tells me to check out the websites about CLL and get informed. I do. -
And Vertigo, too!
I manage to complete almost 2 consecutive years of teaching and then I get Vertigo so badly that I require rehab therapy to get over it, and lose my teaching position in the process. I didn't see this in the CLL playbook. Still watching and waiting. -
New job, same diagnosis
Grade 3, Holy Cross School
I accept a half time Gr 3 job at a school that is connected by a gym to the high school that my daughter is attending. My son graduates Gr. 12 in June 2007, and my half-time term is expanded to full time. -
WE decide on chemo
Dr Moltzan is the most human I have seen her; we (Brian and I) discuss our concerns and options. We feel listened to and I now appreciate that Dr is who she is. She knows her stuff! She allows me to finish the school year before scheduling chemo. -
Here we go on Chemo!
I had to tell my school at the end of June that the fatigue I hid from them, the night sweats and the tender arm and neck nodes, have led up to chemotherapy that will happen once a month from July until December. The staff is lovely and supportive. My first session is tolerated fairly well; until I get a head to toe rash, yeast infections, and start to lose my hair. The fatigue has progressed so that I am too inattentive to drive. Even puffy on Prednisone, I am optimistic. I can do this. -
Love CC nurses and volunteers
Feels like home when Alexandra and I walk in. They are the warm and fuzzy to Dr Moltzan's cold and clinical. Alexandra , or other family members take me to all of my chemo infusion appointments. My parents and both my children are not sure how to react to everything. I try to reassure them, but the day right after treatment I am so tired that I can't life my head to talk. I try to stay bright for them. -
Starting to feel sick and tired
The chemicals are starting to accumulate. I feel puffy and tired. My recovery seems to take longer after these sessions. I know that the end of chemo is near, and the nausea is ramping up. The pharmacist at CC St B comes to see me personally, and offers me options for the nausea. He gives me his cell number, if I need him after hours. I really feel cared for; that I am not alone in this mess. -
I made it! So why don't I feel better?
Naieve. I thought that chemo would be the magic wand that would make me feel instantly better. Fatigue is overwhelming. I am trying to stay positive,; planning to return to my job in the fall at this time seems do-able. -
Alexandra's starring role
Alexandra is the Lion in The Wiz. I am too sick and tired to attend; the Dr recommends that I stay out of crowds. The show goes on without me! -
Alexandra graduates
I missed seeing her in her starring role in her school musical; I was NOT missing grad! My immune system remains low. We attend, as a family, the ceremony and the dinner. I barely make it home before the vomiting begins! -
School Begins
Alexandra drives both of us to school. I am so tired that I forget which foot on which pedal stops and starts the car. Each month brings a new virus. I am so tired, but still excited to be at school. I stay out of the staff room. Dr says no crowds, but maybe being at school will kickstart my immune system? -
Sick and tired
I have the mother of all sinus infections. Dr suggests that I need to be away from school right now, as I seem to have nothing to fight this with. I take a leave from my job. -
Sinus surgery
Surgery! And relief! But still tired. So tired. -
Throw in the towel
I say good bye to my permanent gr 3 dream job. My immune su=ystem is non-existant. -
Begin Vivaglobin
So a woman walks in to an Allergy and Immunology appointment...and walks out on a Vivaglobin program. Could this be the beginning of good things? I learn how to give myself an infusion, twice a week. -
Who needs a social worker?
I'm depressed. I cry through my first two hour-long sessions. I want my life back. (not 100% on the time line for this). -
Wearing my Cranky Pants
Frustration and depression have made me unbearable. I cry easily. I want something good to happen. I want to work. I am lashing out at everyone around me, and my family is something special to put up with me! -
Remission-ish
So we are tentatively calling this remission, even though I have no immune system. Seems wrong? I think remission is supposed to be feeling free of disease. This is not free. -
Do over?
Tentativley, I apply for a half-time teacher librarian job. When I am offered the job for September, I ask, "Really? Are you sure?" This will be a big test for Vivaglobin (later changed to Hizentra). -
Hypnosis
I see a hypnotist to try to get over what has turned into full blown panic attacks when I try to drive. I have driven a few times, even a block, and always have a panic attack. I learn relaxation techniques. To this day, my panic attacks seem to get worse, but under 2 extreme circumstances I force myself to drive and manage to more or less keep down the panic. -
Immuno deficient
If your immune system does not rebound, is virtually non-existant, it is called deficient. I make plans to avoid the staff room and hand sanitize or wash as often as possible. I will probably appear stand-offish, germophobic or possibly rude. Self preservation is the rule. -
Starting my Masters
I take the plunge and begin online courses for my Masters in Education, with a focus on Teacher Librarianship, in the hopes of keeping this new job that I love! -
Secret is slipping out...
Wearing a top to school, a teacher asks about my scar (where my port was removed). I quietly tell her about the CLL. She is teary and then tells me that her dad was recently diagnosed with it! I I end up telling my 2 close co-workers, as they would have felt hurt not to know. Do others know? Did the principal who hired me? No way to know. I'm keeping quiet. -
Holding...
My job has ended because of a union technicality, after 2 years. Now I am looking for new work. I am feeling pressure in my right armpit. I am feeling tired. My thigh bones ache, especially at night. A CT scan shows a mass near my thyroid and a later ultrasound of my abdomen shows some cysts; ok for now. -
School begins for everyone but me
Feeling a bit adrift without a teaching job. Trying to stay optimistic. -
Period: to
Substitute as a TL? Yes, please!
I am at an RETSD school library until June! As a teacher-librarian.
