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Born at Parkview Community Hospital
I was born in the same hospital as my mother in Riverside, CA. My mother often details her postnatal depression as a single mom. I wasn't her first child, but I was also not planned (exo, mezzo) as a result of my parents' relationship being physically, emotionally, and mentally abusive. Mother often described feeling very detached from me my first year. -
Infancy/early childhood (0-4) in La Sierra neighborhood of Riverside
Mezzo: The community was not known to be very safe--especially at night. I remember my mother told my brother and I to turn all the lights off and not look outside. I disobeyed, and witnessed a man with a rifle of sorts scanning the windows of the apartment building. We also went to a swap meat near the Tyler mall when an armed robber came in yelling at everyone to stay down. After a group of men threatened my mom at gunpoint while she was working one day, she finally decided we needed to move. -
Early childhood (4-8) in Temecula
After moving to Temecula, I started school and demonstrated advanced reading skills for my age. My mother's mental health improved (exo), and my brother and I were able to walk to school in our new neighborhood (mezzo). We did not have health insurance, and I was not raised with much exposure to medical spaces. I also endured some unspecified abuse from a family member. I often played alone or directed play among peers. Ambiguous relationship with mother. Great relationship with dad's parents. -
Went homeless
My mother and her boyfriend at the time neglected to pay rent and we were evicted. They both blame each other to this day. Mother stopped working due to major depression after her grandfather, who got her out of foster care when she was a teenager, died (exo). Starting at 8, I would witness and endure a lot of mental/physical/emotional abuse for the next 8 years. I also missed a year and a half of elementary school and had difficulty making/keeping friends. -
Settled in San Diego
After finding a neighborhood to settle in, my brother and I had school consistency and access to grocery stores and public transportation for mom's job (micro, mezzo, exo). We moved out of a friend's house and moved into an apartment when one of my mother's ex-boyfriends co-signed for a 1 bedroom apartment for my mom, brother, and I. My mom also didn't qualify for food stamps because her income was just barely above the bracket. We struggled to keep food on the table. -
Adolescent angst
Teens were a dark time. My brother was consistently getting kicked out and I was home alone a lot. Mom and I got in a lot of physical fights and I was also getting in occasional fights at school. I had a friend group that I only saw at school. My grades were terrible (Ds, Fs), and I struggled with depression. The idea of drugs and alcohol made me anxious and that also made life outside of home and school somewhat challenging. I had very little guidance as mom was uninvolved and/or abusive. -
Life altering failure at self-harm
I attempted to hurt myself drastically at 15 years old, and my attempt failed. This was a wake-up call for me: the only way to go is up after hitting rock-bottom. I still struggled with my mental health but I began doing more research about trauma and how to heal. I began having idealizations of running away from home but I was too scared. I suggested family counseling and my mom refused. I eventually got back in contact with my dad and paternal grandparents. -
Adopted and moved to Greenville, SC
After a physical altercation with my mom, I called my paternal grandparents for help. We made a plan to get me out of my mom's custody, which took a lot of convincing and arguing between my mom and I. After moving to Greenville, I experienced culture shock but I graduated high school with a senior gpa of 4.2 as I had the safe space and support to just focus on school. I did not make any lifelong friends. I felt out-of-place in many ways. I didn't know who I was supposed to be except "healed." -
College and emerging adulthood
My relationship with my grandparents was ambiguous as I had unresolved mental health issues they didn't understand and we had very different positionalities in terms of religion, culture, generations, politics, and life experiences (exo, micro). I worked and went to school full-time while also completing my student teaching. I became the first in my family to earn a bachelor's degree due to the safety my grandparents provided! I struggled to make friends and displayed avoidant tendencies. -
Marriage and introspection
At 22, I married my boyfriend from college which turned out to be a physically/financially abusive relationship and I couldn't tell much difference between abuse and love. After college, I had more opportunity to discover my needs and what patterns I was repeating from my upbringing. I also moved around the country a couple times and continued to struggle with making and keeping friends. -
Diagnosed with ADHD and PTSD
Sought out mental health help as I discovered more about myself, and I was diagnosed with ADHD and PTSD. This added a whole layer of understanding in myself and my life that I needed to help me heal from lifelong trauma and I consider this a major event in my life. I also began deeply considering my needs more. -
Divorce in early adulthood
At 24, I left my ex-husband in Michigan and drove to Florida then back to Greenville, SC where I had no family at the time. I severed ties with my whole family in order to figure out who I was without the influence/expectations of anyone else. Using the money I got from my divorce, I began planning van-life. I made a lot of friends and discovered what it meant to create your own family based on your own needs. This period was vital for discovering my identity as an adult neurodivergent woman. -
Van life and self-discovery
With the money from my divorce, I took on a self-searching project and gutted/built out an old 2005 Dodge Sprinter from scratch all on my own in 6 months. I then lived in this off-grid van for a year and a half to travel, meditate, and be closer to nature with my dog, who I adopted in 2022. I lived by doing work exchanges at places that could use my help and also took time off using the money from my divorce to sustain me. I also became a self-love coach. I ended van life when I ran out of money -
Diagnosed with Autism at age 27
After getting back in contact with my brother, some long conversations led me to realize I might be autistic. Studying autism in women became a special interest of mine. I was officially diagnosed in July with level 1 Autism (without intellectual disability) in the summer. This was the most pivotal diagnosis for me. In addition to ADHD and PSTD, I now have an entire new lens of neurodivergence to explore my past/identity with. Better done in early adulthood than later. -
Current
Now, at 28 years old, I am in early adulthood and still on a path of self-discovery. I live with my partner and his parents on a family compound where we plan to be for the rest of our days. This assignment has taught me how to reflect on my experiences in a more structured manner, and I will continue to refer to this timeline as I continue to reflect on my past, my future, and my positionality--especially as a social worker. This picture of my dog rolling in the sun represents my current state.