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Period: to
you're not going to like this.
If you get upset easily or don't want the hold truth, leave this page. you want the truth, you'll get the truth and it's not pretty. -
0-2 years on
My dad was physically and sexually abusive. him and carla would fight all the time and when ruthan finally said what he was doing to her. I don't sleep well anymore. -
2-4
I was raped by someone i trusted for 2 years but They were one of the last people i had so i kept quiet. only when they raped ruthan were they caught and forced to leave. i still said nothing about what happened to me. "Was i not enough?" I questioned if i was good enough for anyone. -
5
I was at my granny and papa. I loved it there. there was a horse named star that was fun to play with and papa always bought me toys that i liked. (papa was abusive to carla when carla and granny in the past and was trying to make amends) he and granny thought me many thing. papa always took me hunting and i was always alert. he taught me chess and we played it all the time. i learned how to strategize. granny was like mom. she showed me how to cook, clean and be a family. -
5-7
I had hallucinations for these years. Carla would yell at ruthan because she was frustrated and since ruthan couldn't yell back without gettin bruises, she'd yell at me. we had fights alot but only when carla was around. we were pretty close. I'd listen to her words even when she was yelling. I'd listen to her and try to help. I'd even try to comfort her in her panic attacks. I learned listening and that anger is not a good thing. i also lesrned helping others -
8
papa died. I had lost most of the people i loved before that. this broke me. i cried over him for years. he was the last, the last death i could cry over. i was numb and tired. i didn't care, not any more. some time in the future i lost my aunt, other grandpa and a cousin... no tears. -
14
ruthan moved out. i was alone. she kept try to say it wasn't my fault but the words she said to me before echoed in my head. "I'll try to live but not for you. for jasmine (her other sister)". It hurt. Carla yelled at her calling ruthan names but that's what carla always does when she's mad at us. i just watched numbly then went back to my room. still no tears. i hurt emotionally but i still couldn't cry. it came to mind i probaly hurt her and stopped letting people it. it only causes pain. -
15
i was done. i walked away but was taken back. carla sent me to a mental hospital. i analyzed everyone and just played my part. they sent me back with depression pills. carla is still mental abusive and many times threatened to go back to being physical. no one listens to me, they believe her lies cuz she's a grown up. i don't trust. good sleep is rare. i've tried to die about 5 times. i don't are if i eat. i don't care if i live or die. i don't care... -
15 soon to 16
i don't trust. good sleep is rare. i've tried to die about 5 times. i don't are if i eat. i don't care if i live or die. i don't care... they person i lived for is leaving.... i don't feel it. i help, that's all i have... i met susie, bev, and jd... they giving hope, hope i can escape... it's tiny but i have to hold to it...
16... i maybe be able to leave at 16... but do i deserve it?